Last Night Is Tonight
by Letter to Miss
Summary: On a night when it seems like all is lost for Shion, she gets an unexpected phone call that will change her world completely. T for some language. One-shot.


I'm sitting here; I'm waiting. My fingers are drumming on this crinkled bedspread to a song that I've forgotten the name to. My memory doesn't stretch that far back. When the bikes came tumbling down and that hand came down on my head is where life begins. Surely some things must've occurred before that point, but really, they don't matter.

I read to him, I sing to him, I visit him, I care for him. I'm still laying on my empty bed alone. I've never been enough for anybody, it always seems. They leave me here, laying alone. In my head, my fingers are tracing over a mental photograph of that face. Always.

The phone rings. Will it be the doctor with another disappointing news flash, a jubilant sister to detail me with her latest activities, or a young girl who loves me for the job that I am given? You might've noticed how I didn't put him on the list. He never calls. Never.

I pick up. I don't know whether or not I'm hearing white noise or somebody crying. "Hello?" I nearly whisper, because the silence in my bedroom is sacred, and I don't speak loudly for fear of breaking it.

It's silent.

What the hell.

I don't think I've thought that for a long time.

I don't think I've picked up the phone for a long time, either.

I think today must be different.

Or maybe the phone's just messed up.

It's still quiet.

Wait, no.

"Sorry, sis," she mumbles. "I was okay until I dialed your number, but then it all settled in, and I started crying, and I think I have to be screwed up or _something_, because I think my world is falling apart."

"What happened? The world doesn't fall apart every day." I forget to mention how she hasn't called me for weeks.

"He doesn't care about me, well, maybe he does," she pauses for a moment, "but not in that way. At all. And I wish he did, and I try to make him see that I like him, really, I've been doing everything you've told me to, but he doesn't notice. And today…"

"He's thick-headed. It'd take a confession to get through to him, I think," I say. My lack of communication with other people lately has made me forget about the whole no interrupting rule.

"Maybe. But it's not that he's like that! I mean, he knows! Or he noticed! But today, he said, 'It's okay. You don't have to pretend you like me to hide how you are. I'll accept you whether you're straight or not; you're my best friend.'," she blows her nose loudly. "Damn it, he thinks I'm a lesbian! I have to act tough; I'm the class leader! They expect me to be tough and able to handle with things, so I have to act that way, but I still like roses and pretty things and shit that girls are supposed to love! So why does he think I'm a lesbian? What did I do wrong?"

"Nothing. You didn't do anything wrong. You were just you."

"I'm not good enough then."

Something flares up inside of me. Like a tiny oil reserve in my heart had a match dropped into it, and all of the sudden I can feel again. It might not be my feelings, for all I know, they could be hers. But I'm pissed. I'm mad for her, for my sister, for Mion. "Shut up!" I snap, my voice reaching a new level of anger unachieved for a long time. "You shut the fuck up! You _are _good enough! You said it yourself! You deal with so much more than Keiichi could ever _dream _of!"

Mion's quiet for a moment. My sudden outburst must've scared her or something. Finally, she whispers. "Like what?"

I take a deep breath, and continue in a gentler tone. "Listen, is he the next head of his family? No. Does he have to deal with Onibaba? No. Does he have to deal with his heart being broken every single day?"

I stop. I don't know which one of us I'm talking about anymore. Things are rushing back to me now. Names and faces, places I've long abandoned, memories of times past, my life. There's a bull dog faced man waving his fist at me, the telephone cradled to my ear as I was apologized to for the final time, the tearing sound of my first nail, everything shattering, Rika pleading for help, running through the woods with my friends at my side, his shallow breaths being projected through that secret basement, my world coming back and fading again. Myself.

To be honest, I'm dizzy for a few moments. I can hardly breath with the force that all of these things are hitting me with, but at the same time, I relish it. My whole body's being flooded with me again; it's no longer an empty shell going through the actions of being alive. It's breathing, feeling, sensing, responding, all of that stuff. I want to go back to those places that I've left behind in an attempt to forget me. It wasn't an attempt, I guess. I succeeded. And now I've failed. I think it's a good, thing, though. Yes. I'm thinking it's a good thing. A very good thing.

"Shion?" Mion asks, still sniveling a little bit.

"Sorry," I say quickly. "I just forgot what I was going to say, that's all."

"Oh."

"But I remembered it. Just now."

"Thank you."

"I'll continue, if you'd like."

"You can if you want to."

"Well, he hasn't had to live with his heart cracking all of the time. He doesn't have to be the role model for the whole class and support them. He doesn't have to juggle a life like yours. He doesn't PMS."

"He's a guy."

"Well, yeah. But guys don't have to deal with a bunch of blood coming out of their asses, do they?"

"No." Was that a giggle I just heard?

"Exactly! And I think that you should go up to him tomorrow, kiss him on the mouth, and declare yourself a straight woman."

"Sometimes I think it'd be better to be a lesbian."

"Sometimes I think you put too much thought into this."

"Maybe."

"Okay, if you can't do that, then call him up and explain things to him."

"Shion?"

"Yes?"

"Can I do things my own way? Please?"

I can see Mion in my mind's eye. She's curled up in bed, phone pressed to her ear, drying the tears off her face, and I know, I know that she's going to do things right. She's been listening to me for way too long. She's her own person now, I realize. We've been breaking apart from the same whole that we've been for so long. I kind of hate it, but it thrills me, too. She's a leader. I've fallen behind, but even so, I'm still cheering for her. And I know that she can do it.

"Yes."

"I'm going to go now."

"Kiss a Keiichi for me!"

"Shut up," she finally laughs, and I grin so hard that I think I'm becoming the Chesire Cat.

"I love you, too."

"Bye!"

"See you around!"

She hangs up, and I wait for a moment before putting the phone back on the stand. My mind's made up, and I lock the door on my way out.

The bike ride is refreshing. I love the feeling of the wind rushing through my hair, lifting it off my sweaty back, and acting as a glass of water to keep me cool. It's only then that I realize that I'm in my pajamas. Shit. Maybe I should go back and change into my normal clothes, but that'd take much too long, and I'd rather keep my life moving than go backwards at the moment.

And so I keep on pedaling in my short shorts and unfortunately revealing tank top, laughing with the joy that doing things on impulse brings. The branches of bushes on the side of the road scratch against my legs as I go, but I hardly notice. If isolation has taught me anything, it's that physical pain is nothing compared to heartbreak.

The village comes into view. I think my feet are speeding up without me telling them to. Something about Hinamizawa pulls me in every time I see it; I think it's a birth town homing instinct. I whiz down the hill, oh my god, I hope I don't hit the rocks, but thankfully, I miss them.

I pause in front of Oyashiro-sama's shrine and say a quick prayer, and hop off my bike. The rest of the way has to be on foot. I don't know how I know this, maybe it's just my crazy impulses speaking again, but I leave my bike in front of the statue anyway. Hell, if I need an excuse, I'll say it's an offering. No one will ever dream of questioning that.

Years ago, I walked this place with Satoko, Satoshi's sister, on the night that they induced the coma on him. He pleaded with me to take her to the festival, and though his request puzzled me, I did it anyway. I didn't know him very well, and I still don't, but something inside me saw him for what he was (and it wasn't a piece of dirt, like the rest of the village thought of him), and loved him for it. I still love him; at least, I believe that I do. I've had flings, fleeting kisses, but I never felt the deep, burning longing for them that I have always had for Satoshi since the day I met him. He's been the center of my life for so long that I've forgotten what it's like to focus on things not related to him.

I continue to the stairway. It's a long, grueling flight of stairs; it's painful even just going down them. Instead, I take the old fashioned version of an escalator. The railing.

I gingerly sit on the top, and take a gulp. Now that I'm on the railing, staring down at the steep, curving path, I'm not so sure about this. No. I'm sick of living in the dark. I'm sick of taking caution at everything that I do. If I hadn't done that, maybe, maybe I would've had Satoshi in my arms, if even for a moment.

I push off. It's a struggle just to keep my butt on the thin piece of metal, but somehow, I don't fall off. Adrenaline is pumping through my veins, and I scream in delight. I laugh and scream and laugh some more. "I'm alive!" I scream joyously, "I'm alive, I'm alive, and I'm in fucking love with it!"

I fall off at the end. I tumble into the dirt and roll for a few feet, and finally come to a stop. My chest heaves as I breathe hard into the ground. I groan, and roll myself onto my back. The stars glitter down at me, and they're not cold and hard, like I've thought them to be. I think those shines aren't angry; they're smiling! My god, they're smiling!

And all of the sudden, I'm smiling, too. The crash was just a minor setback, that's all. I can get up, and I'm going to keep going, and I'm going to love it. Shakily I stand up, and the first few steps are hell with my legs bruised and scratched up. Soon, though, I'm on my way again.

I'm covered in dirt and all matter of debris, but I still haven't reached my destination. Honestly, though, I have no idea where I'm going. It might be to the school, or Satoko and Rika's house, or maybe even the clinic. But I'll find it somehow.

I reach a streetlight, and I lean up against it to take a break. This streetlight was the one that I came running to after messing with Keiichi and Mion. I collapsed onto it in tears; I was a mess. I felt like I was being unfaithful to Satoshi, but at the same time, I knew that I'd never get Mion to work for Keiichi if I didn't interfere. And through all of that, I missed him so much.

I still do. I won't deny it. I look up into the streetlight, and right now, it's more of a beacon of light and hope and that sort of stuff than just another thing to help people see in the darkness of the night. It's kind of like the Statue Of Liberty or a wishing well. But it's even better, because it's right here. I can touch it and know that it's real. And just knowing that it's real makes me know that this feeling is real.

It's time to move on, now. I walk down the center of the street, because I know that no cars are going to come at this hour to run me over. I'm asking questions now. Will Satoshi come back? Will this sensation last? Where am I going?

I don't know. I don't know the answers to any of those, but I do know a few things.

I know that I will always have some degree of Satoshi, but as I left the streetlight, I know that I can move on. My life is going to continue. I will love, I will laugh, I will learn, I will cry, I will do everything and anything. The world is no longer a cold dead place. There's other life on it, too. I'm not alone. I know that sometimes I'll have to deal with my own problems, not to mention other people's problems, too. I'll watch Mion and Keiichi find their way, whether or not it'll be into each other's arms or into the arms of some other lucky person (I'd prefer it was into each other's, though, for the record.). I'll smile as Satoko grows from a mischievous little girl into a fine woman. And as I'm old and sipping my tea on my front porch, I'll remember this night. I'll remember everything.

* * *

This is the first fanfiction that I've worked on in a long time. Lately, I've been feeling awful, and writing generally makes me feel better. Normally I just write about my own life, but fiction has been out of my reach for a while now. Out of a desperate need to start writing again, I decided to do a quick exercise, which sucked me in and became this one-shot. I fell in love, and worked for three hours straight out of a burning desire to finish it. Shion's story just kept me writing, and I felt the need to give her some sort of ending. I didn't like Ryukishi left her for Satoshi, without any other desire to be around other than to protect Satoko and live for him. She needed to become her own person.

And I hope that I made her that way. Thank you for reading, dear reader, and may you find yourself, too. I know I'm still working on it, but I know that someday, I'll be able to find me.

Best of wishes!


End file.
